Today, eleven years ago, Chris and I got married. Here is some of a post to social media I made on our one year anniversary:
One year ago today some of you out there thought I’d finally lost all common sense. I started getting to know a guy online. We almost didn’t even cross paths, but it was in God’s plan that we did! Even though we’d only “known” each other for just a few weeks, he was already my best friend. We talked for hours on end, daily without fail – messaging, texting, skyping and of course actual phone conversations…
From the moment he asked me to “be his girl”, just 24 hours after our first face-to-face meeting, I knew my heart would never be the same…. For almost two months we rotated weekends, every other weekend I’d make the two hour drive down. He’d get me a hotel room and we’d spend our days with my three munchkins driving around Jacksonville. The more time I spent with him the harder it was to leave/see him leave. The feeling (thank God) was mutual! So, there we were, not quiet two months after we met online, sitting in a courthouse – repeating our vows…. God deserves all of the credit of course!! We look back and talk about it from time to time, how we almost didn’t “meet” at all. How everything just fell into place. How God’s fingerprints are all over it. Now, here we are, one year later. This past year has been one of the happiest of my life! I never imagined that I would find someone that would love me as completely and passionately as I love them.
If you’ve talked to me extensively then you know our story and just how much God’s hand was in it and while this post is about that – in a way, it’s also a little different. I want to give this part of my testimony – to show how God took me from where I was to who I became and am continuously striving to be.
It all started when I was 12 and began crushing on a guy in school. Yup, that’s right, a totally different guy because back then I had no clue who Chris was, we could have been on separate planets! Let’s skip ahead to my freshman year in high school, which was two years – I was 14. Still majorly crushing on that same guy only he finally seemed to take notice and think of me as more than a friend. I was absolutely smitten, but he broke my heart after a few months. You may have recalled that I’ve mentioned in past posts about having some mental health issues, well that depression and OCD made me feel things, oh, so, very deeply. Over the next few years I still had a huge crush for that guy and we shared all the same friends. I was one of the only believers in the group. Yeah, you know what’s coming, don’t you? Instead of sharing God with them, I got too caught up in hoping that said guy would return what I felt for him. As I grew closer to him I fell farther away from God.
Skipping ahread again, this time to 17. I moved out and in with some friends and was dating, you guessed it, that specific guy. Over the span of two weeks he gradually moved in with us. We lived together for two and a half years and at 19 I married him. It was not the best relationship obviously, in fact most of the time it was down right horrible. We had issues on each side and I won’t go into his because it’s not my place, but I can tell you mine. I was insecure, in our relationship and in myself. I knew deep down he didn’t want to marry me, but he did it because he didn’t want to lose me, I think. I never felt loved, and I wasn’t completely, not in the way I deserved. Again, mental health issuses that were going untreated and over time untreated physical illnesses as well.
Fast forward to 27. Recently divorced (I can go into more detail about God speaking to me about this in another post.). Fasting. Crying out to God. I’d moved back in with my parents. I made a few online accounts to met people. THIS is where God took all of my pervious horrible-un-Godly decisions and turned them around. The very day I was deleting all of my accounts I got a short message from Chris. I felt a tug on my heart and after seeing a picture of him with his dog, Frankie, I responded. God used Frankie to be the initial pull and because we were trying to put God first, God lead us to that day, eleven years ago where we made our vows to one another.
Here’s the biggest reason I love sharing our story and how we got to it. God took my rebellion and the pain I caused myself and made it worth everything it was. God took my shame over being divorced and made it into something absolutely beautiful, something over time I’ve learned through Him – not to regret. God took what satan tried to use to destroy me and HE built me up from the ashes. God taught me many valuable lessons during the season that I fell away, but I couldn’t see them and I couldn’t hear Him for a long time. I suffered immeasurable pain in my rebellion and I know it’s not what God wanted for me, but He used it to shape me into the person that I’ve become. I’m here to tell you first hand that God will take what the enemy means for evil and He will make it good.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or where you are, God can change your LIFE, but you have to let Him in! I’m here if you need someone to talk to!